words like “shit” and “fuck” and “hell” and “damn” are like kitchen knives. most of the time you’re going to be using them for some practical purpose. you stubbed your toe or got a flat tire or are shocked by something. all very practical, typical things that happen….
I want to be a boy so badly, but I don’t hate being female. I don’t hate my body. I’ve learned to accept it and I can deal with the mild to moderate dysphoria and discomfort, but should I settle for that? I want to be seen the way I see myself. What if I regret it, though? I’m not a man any more than I am a woman. I’m something in between, so would it even help at all to be in a masculine body, or would I still be in the same situation I’m in now? On the other hand, I’ve never wanted the body I have now, I’ve never wanted to be seen as female. I’ve always wanted to have a masculine body and I’ve always wanted to be seen as more masculine than feminine. I think I’d be more comfortable that way. I need to see a gender therapist. I just wish they weren’t so damn expensive.